User:Supermutantslayer450

Chompksi rules. SO I made this wiki. End of story.--With care and happiness,  Supermutantslayer450'  ROAR  03:07, May 15, 2010 (UTC)



The year is 1873. Two JAI agents, Arnold Bonky and Ahnold Lepelletier, were put on the case of the "Night Terror", better known as Violet. The Night Terror's goal was the delete every megabyte of sperm in the world, rendering sex pointless and dooming the human race to extinction... Eventually.

After an emotional breakdown, Lepelletier swore off the case. Bonky tried to convince Lepelletier that the case was too important to abandon. Lepelletier kept horsing around and saying in his sing-song voice "I just want to read my book!" Naturally, Bonky tried to knock some sense into him.

After Lepelletier escaped to his private room in the apartment for strippers and robots, Bonky made his way in by dramatically pointing out a distraction in Lepelletier's room. As Lepelletier sat down and attempted to lose himself in the fiction book of H.P. Lovecraft, Bonky tried all sorts of things to get Lepelletier back on the case.

"Look, Lepelletier. We had some good times in 'Nam, didn't we? You, me, us, killin' those NVA, huh?"

"This needs to stop right now."

"I know. This case is some tough shit. Like your wife's T-bone steak. *Laughs* But seriously, Lepelletier, we need to get this done. If the Night Terror wins..."

"You need to get out. I just want to read my book."

"I know. War of the Worlds. I heard that book is about King Henry's rule of England in the 12th century."

"No... It's just H.G. Wells being a crazy motherfucker."

"Heh. Well, Lepelletier, it sounds like you need some time to rest. I'll get back to you in a few years."

Bonky stands to leave.

"Just remember: the Night Terror's attack is tomorrow. We don't have much time."

Lepelletier stands up and takes one of his 19 inch hunting knives from his dresser.

"Woah, you need some time to cool off, Lepelletier. Maybe read a book, fer Chrissakes."

Lepelletier closes the door in Bonky's face.

"Alright, Lepelletier. Just remember: we need you. Alone, we'll die horrible deaths. Together... It'll be slightly less horrible."

Bonky closes his eyes as he hears the noise of Lepelletier settling into his bed.

"The world needs you, Lepelletier."

END ACT 3

"Aah, isn't this fun, Lepelletier? Just you and I, spending time together."

"*sighs* Not this again."

"I know. Violet's case stresses me out, too."

"Yess! Man vs. Food!"

"Lepelletier, what you do in the bathroom is your own private business."

"*sighs* This needs to stop."

"Well, anyway. Lepelletier: check out this girl. This is the girl I'm going to marry!"

Bonky shows a picture of a beautiful woman.

"Boobs?"

"Lepelletier! That's my fiance!"

"Are... Are you good?"

"Well, Lepelletier, my sex life is kind of..."

"Aw, it didn't record anything tonight!"

"WHAT!? Do you have a camera in my bedroom!?"

"Barber chair from Sweeney Todd?"

"What? It's in my vintage 1423 barber chair from Sweeney Todd? Lepelletier, you sick, maniacal son of a sausage!"


 * Lepelletier turns on Rebecca Black's new song.*

"Lepelletier, turn that donkey excretion off."

"It's... delicious."

"Lepelletier! What...?"

"What the fuck, IKEA?"

"Lepelletier! Have you eaten any monkey sperm today?"


 * Lepelletier nods*

"Oh my Jebus! Lepelletier! I think Violet's... 'in' you. Let me taste your arm."

"I'm not answering these questions."

"Lepelletier, the universe- nay, the world, depends on your urine. And if it's been contaminated by Violet, we stand no chance."

"You want to see something sexy?" *Lepelletier drops his pants* "A poop stain!"

"Oh, that's disgusting. At least you're not beeping, which of course signals an erection."

"Beep."

"Oh, doggamnit."

"Your baby will never sleep again!"

"Is that a threat, Lepelletier?"

"He has his own show now."

"What, my kid? What is wrong with you, Lepelletier?"

"Kiss my long tongue and spit blood."

"Lepelletier, you need some serious time off, you mad mother."

"I'm a bitch and I'm disguting. I like laying down on the floor. But I like being on my knees better, don't I? This is stupid."

"Yer damn straight it is, Lepelletier."

"I've gotta stop gettin' this 'Jebrone' in me."

"I don't understand you anymore, Lepelletier. We need to focus. I know you've made some weird claims tonight, but we need to get past that; this case is too important."

"Hold your mother against me."

"Woah, man, that's my mother you're talking about! And by extension, that's your embryo breeder!"

"I like this effect." *Slaps Bonky with something that makes a squishy slapping noise.

"Lepelletier, that's disgusting."

"Layer."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Do you want to get arrested before we go to bed? There was money in the banana."

"Lepelletier, you're making sexual advances on me, and I don't like it."

"Go for it. We're on to the second. Shhhhh."

"Lepelletier, I did not bring you to org- look, focus."

END ACT 18.

THEN THIS PLAYS DURING THE NEXT SCENE: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tk8M_zywSeI

"I'm gay."

"Lepelletier, what you do behind close doors is none of my business."

"There aren't many straight, good looking men in me. The best part is that he doesn't stop. I forgot that Ed Helms was in this one."

"Ahnold. This needs to stop."

"I just blew myself. ONE MORE SCRODE!"

"...Lep-"

"I farted. Beat the huskideer!"

"Lepelletier! That's it. You can't talk about the huskideer like that. You're off the case. I'm sorry."


 * The next day, Bonky and Lepelletier went for a boat ride*

"Isn't it so peaceful out here, Lepelletier?"

"Lick my father!"

"Damnit, Lepelletier, this is a sacred lake. We can't defile it with shit like that."

"The reindeer got hit by the plane."

"Lepelletier... Those reindeer were evidence! How could you do this?"

"Can I take it? Go do me first! I'm gonna jump on top of you. Here, gimme it. I'm gonna start throwing things."

"Like your feces?"

"You're going too slow."

"We're not making sex, Lepelletier."

"